Caring
For Dependent Relatives –- Survival Guide
By Aislinn O'Connor
Caring
for dependent relatives, often elderly parents or handicapped children,
can be one of the most isolating experiences most people ever have
to face. Becoming a carer can sometimes be rewarding, but it's hardly
ever easy. Here are some tips to help you to survive it.
1.
Get all the help and benefits you can. Many people are too proud
to ask for help, and many more don't even know what help's available.
In the UK, for example, it's believed that £750 million of
benefits available to carers are unclaimed. No matter how much you
love the person that you're caring for, in terms of both lost income
and financial outlay caring costs you, big-time. Many people aren't
aware of how much till they're in financial difficulty. If you don't
know what's available to you, ask your doctor where you can find
out. It's not just about money, either. Sometimes practical help,
like wheelchairs, disabled access ramps, hand-rails and alarm buttons,
can be made available at no cost, or at least reduced rates.
2.
Get all the emotional support you can, too. Caring can be a very
lonely life, and friends can start to disappear when you're not
so readily available for evenings out, etc. Even those who stay
the course can find it hard to listen to the things you feel the
need to talk about, and you're likely to find their conversation
very trivial compared to what you're dealing with. It's a good idea
to have the company at least occasionally of people who understand
because they're doing what you're doing. If there's a local support
group, it's a good idea to check it out –- if not, it's worth looking
for a carers' discussion group online.
3.
Make sure you get some time off. This is absolutely vital, and not
likely to be offered unless you make a point of saying that you
need it. It's no reflection on your abilities as a carer, or your
love for the person that you're caring for, but you need to take
at least some care of yourself if you're going to take effective
care of anybody else. Try to arrange for someone to take your place
for a few hours at the weekend, for example, or else to get the
person that you're caring for into a day center for a couple of
afternoons a week. You might be able to arrange for respite care,
as well, which means the person that you're caring for is taken
into hospital for one or two weeks every year to let you have a
holiday. This is not being selfish, merely realistic. Caring for
someone can very tiring, both physically and emotionally, so you
need to be able to recharge your batteries as often as you can.
4.
Keep up some interests of your own, and make sure you have at least
some social life, even if it's mainly chatting to your friends by
phone or e-mail. Caring can very easily come to dominate your life,
and if you have no other interests to give you a balanced perspective
your morale can very quickly go to pieces. Many carers understandably
fall victim to depression, and you won't do yourself or the person
that you care for any favors by becoming one of them. It can be
hard to organize, but try to spend at least a little time each day
doing something for yourself, even if it's just spending an hour
reading while the person that you're caring for is sleeping. You
have a life, as well, and the right to some enjoyment.
5.
It's important that you keep your self-esteem high. Caring is demanding,
and it's all too easy to let your mind fill with the difficulties
of your situation rather than all the good things you're achieving
in it. Focus each day on something that's gone well for you. It
doesn't matter if it's quite a small thing – all carers know that
even a small victory in such a demanding situation is a great achievement.
Relax deeply every day to banish stress, and train yourself to flood
your mind with pleasant images before you go to sleep. It takes
some practice, but it's the best way of waking up refreshed and
ready for the new day. Above all, don't be too hard on yourself
if you feel you're not the perfect carer. No-one is. All you can
do is the best that you can do. No-one can ask for more.
Aislinn
O'Connor is a motivational writer and personal development consultant.
You can find more tips on how you can beat stress and boost your
self-esteem on her website at http://www.Access-Your-Peak-Performance-Zone.com
