NURSING
HOME SITE
- ADULT RETIREMENT COMMUNITIES SITE
Assisted
Living: Elderly Loved Ones' Safety is Focus
By Jacqueline Marcell
Convincing
elderly loved ones to move from the comfort of the home they've
known for years into an assisted living situation can be one of
the toughest hurdles for families to face. The best way is to start
the conversation sooner than later, while your loved ones are still
in good health. Getting them used to the idea beforehand will make
it easier when the time comes. But what if you haven't discussed
it nor made plans for a transition? If it is time for your loved
ones to alter their living situation--here are some things you should
do.
Think
Safety First
Keep
in mind that your loved ones' safety is the most important thing.
If you know that they cannot remain in their own home safely, don't
let your emotions override what you know needs to be done. Don't
wait for a broken hip, a car accident, medicine overdose, or a crisis
call before you step in. Recognize that when you were a child, your
parents would have done everything possible to ensure your safety.
Now, as hard as it is, you have to be the "parent", and
make the best decisions for them.
Consider
a Multi-Level Facility
A
multi-level facility offers additional services, preventing the
turmoil of another movie if your loved ones' health declines. Many
seniors start out with their own private apartment and progress
through stages of assisted living and eventually to skilled nursing
and dementia care, all within the same facility. They may be able
to bathe, dress, and take their own medications now, but it’s a
blessing to know that services can be added if needed. And many
times the friends they have made along the way progress along with
them, providing the comfort of familiar faces.
Get
References
The
best way to evaluate a facility is to talk with families who have
a loved one living there. Drop in on the weekends during peak visiting
hours and discreetly ask about the accommodations, service, activities,
cleanliness, food (be sure to eat a meal there yourself), reliability,
personnel, etc. If they had it to do again, would they move their
loved one there? What do they wish they had known? Also, ask the
administrators if there are any liens or lawsuits filed, and ask
to review their licensing and certification reports. Also, check
with your local Area Agency on Aging and their long-term care ombudsman's
office. If the facility will not put in writing that there aren't
any legal problems--keep looking!
Ask
About Activities
Adult
children are often filled with guilt for moving their parents, that
is, until they see them flourishing in a new environment, making
friends, and participating in activities they haven't enjoyed for
years. Ask the activity director what/when activities are offered,
such as: field trips, games, crafts, educational classes, singing,
dancing, gardening, cooking, bingo, exercising, movies, interaction
with children and animals, etc? Be sure to monitor the director
and the frequency of these activities regularly.
Create
a Relationship
Once
you've selected the right place, ask the administrators to help
convince your loved one to move, as they are very familiar with
this problem and deal with it daily. Ask if someone can call your
parents to try to develop a relationship over the phone. Perhaps
he or she could drop by (while you just happen to be there) to invite
your parents to a get-together. A few days later, casually drive
you parents there, just to say hello to that person who was so kind
to drop by. Seeing a familiar face is usually very helpful. Remember,
any kind of change can be very scary for an elder. Take things slow,
gradually reinforcing the idea of moving, with their safety your
goal.
Create
a Need
Another
idea is to have the administrator ask for your loved one’s “help”
with something. Could they, for example, help with the bingo, cooking
or singing classes? Perhaps they can help prepare lunch for the
seniors there. Telling your loved ones that they are "needed"
and giving them a "job" will help them feel more comfortable
about going there. They will make friends, which can then ease the
transition to moving there. Also, ask their doctors to encourage
the move, emphasizing safety.
Reach
for Support
Realize
that since the beginning of time, everyone who has ever been lucky
enough to have their parents reach old age has experienced the pain
of watching their once-competent loved ones decline. We all know
it is a part of life, but there are no words that can prepare us
for the sorrow. Reach out for help from family and friends, join
a support group right away--and don't even think you can do it alone!
Jacqueline
Marcell is a national speaker on eldercare and the author of, "Elder
Rage", a Book-of-the-Month Club selection being considered
for a feature film. Over fifty endorsements include: Hugh Downs,
Regis Philbin and Dr. Dean Edell. Jacqueline also hosts a radio
program heard worldwide on: http://www.wsradio.com/copingwithcaregiving
. For more information: http://www.ElderRage.com
